Continuing Education

Years ago I attended a captivating presentation given by board-certified child-and-adult psychiatrist, thought leader, best-selling author, and world-renowned keynote speaker Ned Hallowell. I was able to attend the conference through my employer, Landmark School, as part of its program to offer high-quality opportunities for teachers to meet requirements for Continuing Education Units. My deeper interest was personal, however, and lay in my concern for my high-school-aged son who, at the time, was in the messy middle of a number of challenges.

I approached Hallowell at one of the breaks in the presentation to ask a question. I explained that I didn't know if my son was depressed because of struggles in school or if he was struggling in school because he was depressed. How could I sort out what was causing what? Where should I start in my quest to gain traction in helping him resolve the challenges at hand?

Start anywhere, Hallowell asserted. Nothing to sort out. Just start. 

Oh.

Huh.

I'd thought I had to figure out what was chicken, what was egg. That I had to ascertain what came first before I could move forward. In the new light of Hallowell's perspective, it occurred to me that maybe my focus on the what-came-first quandary was just an unconscious way to buffer myself from the pain I was feeling in my circumstances, a fabricated distraction provided by my mind that somehow justified my paralysis and overwhelm.

Indeed, nothing to sort out. Start anywhere. Just start.

As I have today.

very satisfying start;
pencil and posca pen on tissue paper

A New Playground

A Stillman & Birn Beta Series Premium Sketchbook, softcover edition, suitable for dry and wet media, watercolor, and ink, found its way to me some few months ago.

And now I have rediscovered it and begun to play.

Today: spontaneous, free-flowing, intuitive, engrossing play.

Despite the Ungodly Hour
6x9"; acrylic and pastel on mixed media paper
abstract landscape
2019

Alive, Awake, Alert, Enthusiastic

If you've ever gone to summer camp—as I have, you might well know the alive-awake-alert-enthusiastic song—as I do.

There are days when I ask myself why I paint, what's the point, where am I going with my painting, and blah blah blah, as though I should have an answer, as though in the absence of having one I am failing.

Other days I'm alive awake alert enthusiastic, alive awake alert enthusiastic, alive awake alert, alert awake alive, aliveawakealertenthusiastic!

Today I was totally in my happy place—making marks, letting them dry, spraying them with fixative, brushing over them lightly with matte medium. Sun was shining, air was warm, grass was green, I was painting in my front yard. Complete contentment.

Why do I paint? Because, it appears, I do!

I could leave this patch of perfect fun as is, it occurs to me. And, at the moment, I will, since my first tutee of the day arrives momentarily.

But I am itching to see what happens next with this little square of sunshine and enthusiasm.

new patch, first marks

Fast and Furious Redux

My intentions for the day were unrealistic to begin with, a story for a different day.

Then, each undertaking to which I turned my attention took longer than expected, in one case way longer.

But, I had to paint, just couldn't not scratch that itch.

So today, vs. yesterday, I did paint quickly.

I took Betty Krause as my telementor. She starts paintings with quick intuitive scribbles and marks. Really quick. No thought or design in mind. Just scribbles and marks: GO!

Thank you, Betty, for sparking me today.

I bumped into a pad of unstretched canvas, tore off a sheet.

Scribbled and marked with a PaperMate pencil, a grease pencil, pastel pencils, and a graphite crayon.

first marks, three minutes

Added marks with a graphite crayon dipped in water. Disappointing, too light, not soluble enough.

second marks, 90 seconds

Found an applicator bottle with some India ink in it. Much more fun. 

third marks, 30 seconds

Done for today. 

Stopped because I have to make phone calls, gather financial data, do some handwork with needle and thread, research a gift idea. 

Stopped because I love this start and want to enjoy it for a day before I add layers.

Wherever You Go

I keep thinking I have soooo much to do, too much to do.

I pause first thing this afternoon to wonder why I tell myself that story.

My new story—I'm going to start a painting.

Materials: cheap drawing paper from Jane Davies class; torn paper collage from my college alumni mag and the packing paper that came in my birthday gift from the Peerys; PaperMate pencil; new Faber-Castell paint brush pen from the Peerys, Utrecht matte medium.

Wherever you go, there you are.

activated drawing paper

Birthdays!

Not only am I the baby who initiated my dad into fatherhood, but also I had the great good fortune to be born on my dad's birthday on May 13, 1950, when he was 24 years old.

Here's a photo of us a few months after that birthday.

We've made a serious number of revolutions around the sun since that May 13th, but we're hanging out together this May 13th also, with daughters #4 and #5 joining in the fun. 

Although my dad most likely won't be tossing me up in the air as part of the festivities, I'd say we still lift each other up in countless ways : )

Happy birthday to us, Futh!

I took this playboard from April 2,

    

and fiddled around with it till I had a birthday card.

Daddy Tosses Me up in the Air
2.75 x 4"; acrylic, ink, pencil, and collage on paper, mounted on cardstock
abstract
2017
[gift]

MDF

MDF …

Master Dirt Farmer?

Mother Daughter Friend?

Make Dinner Fast?

Nope. Medium Density Fiberboard, an engineered wood product that artists often use.

And, at the moment, a Major Distraction Factor.

I'm taking another hiatus from my 100layersofpaint challenge to turn my attention to mounting some of my paper paintings on MDF. Went to a local lumber yard to see what the stuff was, brought home a sheet, and had Dave run it through his table saw to my specs (thanks, Dave!). I varnished my painting, painted the sides of the MDF, glued the painting to my panel, wrote a haiku on the back, and now I've got a painting all spiffed up looking for a new home.

Stoned Soul Picnic
7x7"; acrylic, pencil, and collage on paper, mounted on panel
abstract
2017
---
He left the field. Walked
across the limestone beside
the clattering brook.

Stoned Soul Picnic, detail

Stoned Soul Picnic, detail

Stoned Soul Picnic, detail

Layer 22/100

Uh oh.

How will I move on from here?

I know I will.

I just don't yet know how.

Or when.

Either Waves Tapping Sea-Worn Rocks will sell, and I will send it to a new home, or … the tide that has ebbed way way out, making space for me to attend to the smallest of details, will come back in and wash over this piece, changing it into something entirely different.

Waves Tapping Sea-Worn Rocks
6x6"; acrylic, collage, ink, pencil, and oil pastel on gessobord
abstract
2017

layer 22/100, detail
stamped letters, wax pastel markings

layer 22/100, detail
stenciling, oil pastel, pencil marks

layer 22/100, detail
shades of gray, asemic writing, stamped letters

Unexpected Moments

One of the nice things
about marrying the right [person] …
is that you keep
falling in love
all over again
at the most unexpected moments.

—Gail Godwin, Evensong

Congratulations on your marriage, A&A—may you enjoy a lifetime of unexpected moments of falling in love all over again!

wedding card

Unexpected Moments
3x4"; acrylic, ink, pencil, and wax pastels on drawing paper, mounted on card stock
abstract
2017
[gift]

Playboards

Nicholas Wilton encourages artists to make what he refers to as playboards and others might refer to as activating the canvas. The idea is to just put down paint with as little thought as possible as a loosening up exercise before moving into other phases of a painting.

History of the playboard I generated today:

piece of calendar poster
rough brush and gesso
crosshatching with princeton catalyst blade



grease pencil



golden high flow acrylic dripped onto wet surface
tube acrylics, bristle brush, foam brush



acrylic paint pens



gel pen
papermate sharpwriter pencil
oil pastels



scissors
masking fluid (far right)
  


Fun.

Effervescence

Today I just let bubble up whatever wanted to bubble up.

Little happy pops of color and PaperMate Sharpwriter pencil scribbles, as it turned out.

In Wonder at All That Followed
1.5x5.5"; acrylic and pencil on black cardboard
abstract
2017

I have referred to and have been using some of my recent pieces as bookmarks, but they hold their heads magnificently high as beautiful pieces of small framable art as well. One of my favorite pieces of art, purchased probably 20 years ago, is 1x3" and looks exquisite matted in its elegant 9x12" frame on a wall in my home; my tall-and-thins could easily follow suit.

Here's a second montage of pieces from my now-complete tall-and-thin series.

willowy siblings

Here's What I Decided

The research I've been reading about the upward spiral of happiness fascinates me.

Here's another finding: Making decisions contributes in several ways to uplifted mood.

I know, I know, sometimes it can be so hard to make a decision.

Good news: brain studies back up the fact that making a "good enough" decision is good for us, better in fact than agonizing over making the absolute 100% best decision.

When I discovered today that I didn't have any bookmarks to go with the cover of a book I just borrowed from the library, I decided to make one.

It was a good enough decision and it's a good enough bookmark.

Here's hoping it's a good enough book!

                                     

Good Enough Decision
1.5x5.5"; acrylic and pencil on black cardboard
abstract
2017
not for sale [until I finish the book]

Name That Feeling!

Further insight from UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Kolb: it is beneficial to label our negative feelings. Suppressing only sends us downward. Naming—in just a word or two—gets us spiraling back up.

A fundamental tool of mindfulness, labeling activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces arousal in the limbic system.

Got it.

When I landed here, I felt:



irritated,
disappointed,
self-betrayed.

I'd let an outer voice get noisy enough to keep me from hearing my own inner voice, to no particularly good effect outwardly and certainly no good effect inwardly.

'Nuff said about that.

As soon as I named my feelings, though, I felt a shift and a lift.

I got my paints out again. Now this piece—a visual haiku—feels artistically and emotionally authentic.

And, in turn, I feel:

content,
satisfied,
self-aligned.

Empty Pockets Where Feelings Get Caught
1.5x5.5"; acrylic, ink, pencil, and oil pastels on black cardboard
abstract
2017
[gift]

Feel Gratitude

My friend Bo sent me some cool info recently. Turns out UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb has some insights that can create an upward spiral of happiness in your life. One finding: the most important question to ask yourself is, What am I grateful for?

Feeling grateful activates the brain stem region that produces dopamine, a chemical released during pleasurable situations. 

Feeling grateful can boost serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex. Serotonin is a chemical responsible for maintaining mood balance.

Awesome.

I am grateful for the fun of spreading some acrylic paint, making a bunch of marks, making another bunch of marks, affixing collage, making a few more marks, and playing with chalk and oil pastels. Oh, and paint pens, too.

pmmp-2 with ; work in progress

Go Way Inside

I started this current series with the idea of playing with the interaction of paint, mark-making, and pastels to see if a more specific idea for exploration might arise.

What calls out to me again and again when I look at the art of others are the paintings that feel the most free, the most uninhibited, the most childlike.

I want to go way inside to that deep place of spontaneous creativity within me.

I carry that awareness into today's studio time, continuing with pmmp-2.

Work in progress:

pmmp-2 with India ink linework, work in progress

pmmp-2 with pencil and pen lines, circles, scribbles, and tracings,
work in progress

detail

detail