One Thought, Another Thought

One thought: Why am I even working on this painting? 

There was some smidgen of intent when I started, a smidgen since forgotten, with disappointing results. Last week, hankering for some neurographic stress relief, I figured maybe this ignominious start could serve as backdrop.

Well, maybe. But it was no slam dunk, I'll tell you that much. The neurographia relaxed me, but the painting, as a painting, then elicited a whole bunch of fussing and striving that only enhanced the visual language up to a point. A point falling short of satisfaction.

Hence the thought: Why am I even working on this painting?

Then, yesterday morning unfolded with a laugh-out-loud text exchange with Meg, some eye-catching energizing splashes of color on Instagram, and a heart-opening conversation with artist MaryAnn.

Another thought: You have permission to wreck this painting!

Alrighty then.

Here's the up-to-a-point work in progress:

work in progress
~7 x 7"; acrylic, ink, and oil pastel on sketchbook page

Permission Slips

I think it's in Brené Brown's Dare to Lead that she introduces the concept and practice of writing herself permission slips—literal permissions written on paper. She tucks them into the pockets of her clothing. 

I remember her talking about permission slips she wrote before appearing with Oprah Winfrey on television. 

You have permission to feel excited. You have permission to giggle. You have permission to ask for a photo of yourself with Oprah.

The overarching permission is to not have to act 'cool,' but you'll notice how specific Brené gets.

About a week ago, a light popped on: I need to write me some permission slips!

Since then, when I catch myself up against internal negative energy, I pause to take stock, to identify my resistance through the act of writing myself a permission slip. I do not skip the writing part. I am as specific as I can be. And I am learning. A lot.

You have permission to take a day off from 'closing the circle' on your exercise app tomorrow if it's raining.

You have permission to ask Helene for help with the table in the Cash Flow Worksheet document she sent whose formatting keeps bedeviling you.

Yikes—the stories I tell myself. I can't take a day off? I have to figure everything out myself?

Ouch.

I feel relief each time I write a permission. I feel a welcome uptick in vulnerability and wholeheartedness. I am lighter of heart in general. 

I am grateful.

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About the art: In a sketchbook where I dabble periodically I rediscover a start from sometime back. Don't like it. Don't know where to take it. Decide to offload and transform some uncomfortable internal dialogue using writing as mark-making. Round all the intersections of lines and relax into the therapy of neurographic artplay. Ugly duckling to swan in short order!

No Repercussions If You Fail to Deliver
6.5 x 10"; acrylic, watercolor pencils, and marker
on sketchbook paper
neurographica
2023