I am still immersed in just-keep-going-until-I-like-it with
Just Kidding. I really don't have a vision for this piece, which is exciting to me. Even when I feel uncomfortable, at the same time I'm comfortable enough to open my arms. Not knowing is where I want to be. It's what I welcome.
I'm noticing the back-and-forth of painting: painting freely, making deliberate choices, painting freely, making deliberate choices. Back and forth, back and forth. Much as I hunger for the painting-freely side of the equation, because it is less intrinsic to my nature and is so lovely, both sides have to work together. The beginning bits of a painting can be exhilarating—making marks purely from intuition and a sense of experimentation and play. Eventually, though, something emerges and calls for a different kind of attention, a more conscious direction, a more thoughtful approach to choices.
What's really been fun with
Just Kidding is that I
do keep going back and forth. Both types of modus operandi have distinct pleasures, one very free and open ended, the other more intentional and purposeful. I paint whimsically and then I see something I want to investigate. My investigation is targeted. It heads in a direction. If that direction eventually leads me to a painting I like, something that feels right in my heart and bones, I'll stop. If not, I'll keep going, boldly 'undoing' all the thoughtful efforts I just made; I'll start freely splashing paints on my canvas once again to loosen everything back up.
I don't feel invested in any particular outcome with this piece. For as long as this bit of canvas-board real estate holds my attention, I'll photograph what looks OK-but-not-great so as to have a record, and then let it go by painting over it.
I've developed several areas with oil pastel and added more black ink, and I like much of what is emerging in this piece, but …
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| Just Kidding 2817 [working title] |
